Serial killers from the Midol commercial slaughtered Luigi’s wife. His misery caused his heart to cave into itself. The heaviness in his chest was crushing.
He knew his spouse was in a serene catnap in Jesus’ arms (until His return), but Luigi still could not exist without holding his beloved Princess Peach.
Though lethargic from depression, Luigi devised a way to wake up his sleeping queen. He took his vial of Provigil and went to the place they buried her.
He dug her out of the ground. She did not look or smell the same as he had remembered. Still, he wanted her back!
While opening her mouth, her hardened jaw disintegrated into dust and blew away into the flower field behind him.
He poured the glass of Provigil into his deceased wife’s food cavity and sang the words to his favorite song, Seasons in The Sun.
As the hours slipped by like grease on a slide, Princess Peach did not stir once. He gave up the idea of waking his wife.
He did not re-bury her because he was too tired. As he walked home, he kicked his heart, which had fallen beneath his ankles in despair.
The weight of his eyelids competed with his dismal vision. He fell into a fast sleep and, because he no longer had any Provigil, he slept for over six seasons.
When he awoke, he flinched at the powerful odor coming from the hallway. It was his beloved green dinosaur, Yoshi. Luigi had not fed Yoshi and his pet had expired.
The moral of this tale is this: though it’s beyond devastating to lose a a cherished one, let us cradle the ones whom we have left before they perish from earth, too.
Besides, we will see our loved ones when Jesus reunites us into one inseparable soul of many.
The second means of this story is as follows: do not give your prescription drugs to others because then you will run out of needed medications and all your pets will die.
Thirdly, stay away from Midol Serial Killers.
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