Doll, Memoir Part Three

Over and over, again, she threw her doll against the wall with violent force, hoping to inflict brutal suffering upon it. The girl had an abnormally high awareness for the minutiae, intimate contrast between pain and pleasure, in a way that most three and four years olds could not grasp. Thus, not only did she wish to see her doll suffer, in unbearable savagery, but she also wanted, simultaneously, to create boundless happiness and joy in her companion… back and forth… back and forth…

After attacking her doll with unbridled hostility, she would then lay it upon her bed, on its side, so she could see its face, and she would pretend to walk away, while actually hiding behind the wall, and peeking out, in hopes of seeing her doll crying. And there it was! The girl was sure of it! She could see tears streaming down her doll’s face due to it being unloved, and brutalized.

And these tears were the call for the girl to go to her doll, pick it up, cuddle and dote on her, and show her the most tender love imaginable, and then, when the doll felt secure, and loved, again, the girl would immediately, with raging excitement, hurl the doll back at the wall, again and again, hoping to make it wail in misery.

The little girl knew that there were two things in which a person in this life could expect, and this was happiness kicked down from off its pedestal, or if one was already down, they would be knocked down much further, or simply walked over, and ignored. So, she was simply teaching her doll the fundamentals of life.

1 Corinthians 13:11 – “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child, I judged as a child; but when I was a man, I gave up what I was as a child. ”

Monster, Memoir, Part One

Companions, Memoir, Part Two

Scapegoat, Part Four

Presence, Part Five

Mother NPD, Memoir, Part Six

Doll, Memoir Part Three
5-6 years old

Tamara Yancosky  

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