Closure doesn’t exist after Narcissistic Abuse. There is no talking it out, with the Narcissist, or obtaining some sort of mutual parting-of-the-ways.
Many times, in fact, there is simply a cut-and-dry, total ghosting from the Narcissist, leaving his/her victim asking themselves over and over, again, millions of unanswered questions, as well as the dizzying spin-cycle of Cognitive Dissonance which also follows along.
Consequently, for the sake of our own sanity, it is imperative that we learn how to provide our own closure. I believe that the basic strategy for learning how to give ourselves closure is through the exercise of self-love and the unfamiliar, useful tool of making it an ongoing habit to believe in ourselves.
To further the growth in our recovery process after being subjected to the horrors or Narcissistic Abuse, we all need to accept that believing in ourselves usually comes along with, “no one else believing in us”, or validating the trauma that was inflicted upon us, by the Narcissist.
It is important to understand that due to the ‘behind closed doors’ nature of this type of insidious, Covert Abuse, usually no one else will see, or even begin to comprehend the twisted mind-games, and manipulative brainwashing techniques that are skillfully and cunningly carried out, by the Narcissist, exclusively for the Victim’s eyes, only. It is truly an isolating, confusing, and horrific experience.
Not only do these Dark Personalities refuse to take any accountability, whatsoever (unless it is to merely draw us into more of their abuse), but they add further injury and misery via their Silent Treatments and Ghosting antics, leaving us absolutely no closure, whatsoever.
Again, the worst part of all, is that the abuse-recipient is utterly and literally completely alone in their aftermath of maddening confusion and tremendous suffering.
To put it mildly…
For their abuse,
and nada exposure;
yet, these Dark Personalities
provide us with absolutely
no significant closure!
But, to keep their poison
out of our systems,
we have need to voice
their “behind closed doors”
so, it is they, themselves,
who cause us the need
to publicize their horrific
In order to regain our sense of power and control that was stripped from us, we need to go through the recovery process, and not simply distract ourselves so as not to have to deal with it (especially with this kind of “hocus-pocus” abuse).
Besides self-validation, and ‘believing in ourselves’, another important recovery step consists of sharing our experiences with others who have also suffered at the claws of Narcissists. In this way, we can avoid repressing the details of our trauma, and thus causing further damage to our psyche, and emotional health.
We certainly cannot talk it over with the Abuser, especially if he/she is a Narcissist. Consequently, different individuals use various forms of outlets in order to gain closure.
Writers will pen about their afflictions, poets will write poems conveying their abuse, singers will sing about their pain, artists will paint or draw images of their flashbacks, and public speakers will get the word out to the general public. These are all excellent ways to help heal, and not repress the trauma!
Going to a therapist to find recovery is not always an option with NPD Abuse, since Narcissist Personality Disorder is still not fully understood by many healthcare specialists. In fact, those who are most able to offer help to victims are those who have been victims, themselves.
Closure after these toxic encounters is important, though we will undoubtedly need to believe in ourselves enough in order to offer this crucial stage of healing to our traumatized psyche.
The good news is that we will come out of this stronger than ever! It will take time, though.